In this article, we discussed performative empathy, the characteristics, the examples, how to move from performative to authentic empathy, the rise of performative empathy and why performative empathy Is harmful.
Definition
Performative empathy is the public display of caring for others’ feelings or suffering without genuine feeling or action behind it. It’s an insincere act, often done for social approval, to appear morally superior, or to avoid criticism. Instead of leading to real connection or support, it often serves the person performing the act more than the person in need.
Performative empathy is the act of expressing concern, compassion, or solidarity for the sake of appearances, rather than from genuine emotional engagement or commitment to change.
Characteristics of Performative Empathy
Performative empathy can be identified by several key characteristics that distinguish it from authentic empathy.
Public Display: It is typically very public and often happens on social media, where a person can easily share a post, a “like,” or an emoji to show support for a cause. The goal isn’t to help a person in private, but to be seen as a good person by a large audience.
Lack of Action: This type of empathy rarely involves meaningful action. A person might post a “thoughts and prayers” message but not donate money, volunteer time, or offer any direct support. The effort stops at the public gesture.
Self-Serving Motivation: The primary motivation behind the act is to benefit the performer. This can include boosting their reputation, building a personal brand, or simply avoiding the social backlash of not appearing to care
Examples of Performative Empathy
Lip service without follow-through:
Repeatedly saying phrases like “That must be hard” or “I’m here for you” without taking any action to offer support or help.
Public displays for attention:
Making a spectacle of helping someone or offering emotional support in a loud, public way to gain admiration or validate one’s own “goodness”.
Shifting the focus to oneself:
Turning an emotionally charged conversation back to oneself to talk about one’s own similar experiences or to highlight one’s own virtuous nature.
Inconsistent behavior:
Showing concern in public or when it’s beneficial but being dismissive or uncaring in private or when it doesn’t serve their image.
“Blackout Tuesday” or similar social media activism:
Participating in viral social justice movements with social media posts, black squares, or hashtags, but without taking any deeper, meaningful action to support the cause.
Corporate statements without internal change:
Companies issuing strong statements of solidarity after tragedies but failing to address internal discriminatory practices or implement real diversity initiatives.
Workplace wellness initiatives:
Leaders or companies announcing well-being initiatives or using “inclusive language” without actually addressing employees’ genuine needs or implementing tangible support.
“Greenwashing”:
Brands or organizations making superficial changes to products or policies to appear environmentally friendly or sustainable, even when their overall impact remains harmful.
Using empathy to avoid accountability:
Saying things like “I understand you feel that way” without taking any responsibility for their own actions or the impact of those actions.
How to Move from Performative to Authentic Empathy:
- Shift Your Mindset
From Seeking Credit to Giving Care: Performative empathy is often about getting credit for your good deeds, such as posting about a donation or a kind act on social media. Authentic empathy is about acting with the intention to care for others, without needing praise or recognition.
From “Fixing” to “Being with”: When you are performative, you might feel the need to solve someone’s problems to be seen as helpful. Authentic empathy involves sitting with someone in their discomfort, listening without judgment, and simply being present for them.
From Proving to Being: You don’t have to constantly prove that you are a good person. Authentic empathy is about embodying your values and acting in alignment with them, even when no one is watching.
- Practice Active Listening
Focus on the Other Person: When someone is speaking, give them your full attention. Put away your phone, make eye contact, and resist the urge to formulate your response while they’re still talking.
Listen to Understand, Not to Reply: Your goal is to truly grasp their perspective and emotions. Pay attention to their words, tone of voice, and body language.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of making assumptions, ask questions to better understand their experience. This shows genuine curiosity and a desire to learn about their unique situation.
- Cultivate Self-Awareness
Examine Your Motives: Before you act, take a moment to check in with yourself. Are you doing this out of genuine concern for the other person, or are you hoping to gain something from it?
Acknowledge Your Biases: We all have biases. Recognize when you are making a snap judgment and actively try to understand a different perspective. This humility is essential for genuine empathy.
Be Vulnerable: Authentic empathy is a two-way street. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with others can foster deeper connections and help them feel safe to be vulnerable with you.
- Engage in Quiet, Consistent Acts of Kindness
Do Good in Private: Practice acts of care that no one else may ever witness. This could be a handwritten note, a quiet conversation with a friend, or helping someone without posting about it.
Be Consistent, Not Grandiose: Authentic empathy often manifests as small, steady acts of kindness over time. It’s the daily practice of care that builds trust and strengthens relationships.
Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: Put yourself in situations where you can interact with people from different backgrounds and with different life experiences. This can broaden your perspective and deepen your capacity for empathy.
The Rise of Performative Empathy:
Social Media’s Architecture: Platforms like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook are designed for broadcasting, not for deep, private connection. They incentivize users to present a curated version of their lives. Expressing empathy publicly can be a form of social signaling, a way to accrue social capital and be seen as a “good person.” The fear of being seen as uncaring can also pressure individuals to make these public displays.
The Pursuit of Social Validation: The “like” button and other forms of digital engagement provide a quick hit of validation. A post expressing empathy can receive thousands of likes and shares, creating a powerful but often superficial sense of collective action. This feedback loop can reinforce the behavior, making the performance of empathy more rewarding than the act of genuine care.
The “24/7” News Cycle and Information Overload: We are constantly bombarded with stories of suffering and injustice from all over the globe. This can lead to “compassion fatigue”—a sense of emotional exhaustion that makes it difficult to feel deeply for every new tragedy. Performative empathy becomes an easy, low-effort way to respond to these events without having to engage with them on a meaningful level.
The Blurring of Public and Private Life: Social media has eroded the distinction between our public and private selves. Acts of kindness that once would have been private are now broadcast for all to see. This makes it harder to distinguish between genuine, private acts of empathy and those done for public consumption.
Why Performative Empathy Is Harmful.
- It Erodes Trust and Devalues Genuine Connection
When someone’s empathy is a performance, those on the receiving end can sense the inauthenticity. This leads to a breakdown of trust. People become cynical and may feel manipulated, betrayed, or used. This is particularly damaging in personal relationships, where a friend or partner who is empathetic only when there is an audience leaves the other person feeling abandoned and unsupported when they are truly in need. This erosion of trust can make it harder for individuals to seek help in the future, as they may become wary of all expressions of concern.
- It Centers the Self Instead of the Other Person
Authentic empathy is about shifting your focus to the other person’s experience. Performative empathy, however, is a form of self-glorification. It turns a moment of someone else’s pain or a societal issue into an opportunity for the performer to showcase their own virtue. This can be seen in public figures posting tearful selfies after a tragedy, or a company’s social media statement about a cause that has little to do with their actual practices. The focus is on the “look at me, I care” message, which distracts from the real issue and the needs of those who are truly suffering.
- It Fosters “Slacktivism” and Prevents Real Change
The rise of social media has made performative empathy a form of “slacktivism”—a low-effort, low-cost way of appearing to be engaged in social or political issues. Using a hashtag, changing a profile picture, or sharing a post can give a person a sense of having done their part without requiring any meaningful action, such as donating, volunteering, or engaging in difficult conversations. This can create a false sense of progress, reducing the pressure on society to enact real, systemic change. It allows individuals and corporations to feel good about themselves while avoiding the hard work of activism.
- It Can Lead to Emotional and Psychological Harm
For those who are the subjects of performative empathy, the experience can be deeply hurtful. When someone makes a grand public gesture of support but fails to follow through in private, the person in need is left feeling more isolated and unsupported than before. The initial show of “empathy” can raise false hope, and its subsequent withdrawal can feel like a second, more personal betrayal. In some cases, a performer might even become critical or resentful if the person they “helped” doesn’t provide the expected praise or if the attention fades. This sudden shift from a show of care to one of frustration can be psychologically damaging.
- It Devalues the Importance of Quiet, Consistent Kindness
By prioritizing public displays, performative empathy devalues the quiet, consistent, and often unseen acts of genuine kindness that are the foundation of strong communities and relationships. True empathy is built through a long history of being present for people, listening without judgment, and offering support without an expectation of thanks or praise. Performative empathy, in its need for an audience, dismisses these small but powerful acts, making them seem less important than a viral post or a public announcement.
Conclusion
Performative empathy is the act of expressing concern, compassion, or solidarity for the sake of appearances, rather than from genuine emotional engagement or commitment to change.
READ: The Role of Empathy in Safety Management